"Ma'am, are you sitting down, I have some information about your husband I need to tell you?...
...IED...
...left leg amputation above the knee...
...right leg amputation below the knee..."
Amputation! I'll never forget the phone call that made that word apart of my everyday vocabulary. It's bounced around my head and jumbled every thought since then. It sneaks up and knocks the wind out of me when I'm least expecting it.
I don't know the healthy, or the right, or even the wrong way to process what's happened to Garrett. My way has been simple...I haven't. I've been numb. I've been going through the motions: being where I need to be, saying what I need to say, and being what everyone needs me to be. Now that our life has slowed down, the numbness is gone, and it took with it all the walls I had built to protect myself.
Garrett stepped on an IED.
Garrett stepped on a bomb meant to kill him.
Garrett almost died.
Garrett lost his legs.
I don't know how to process any of that. Where do I even start? How does anyone ever process that someone they would die for, almost didn't come home from war? Maybe I never will.
I wish I could go back to being numb. I wish I could suppress the scream that feels like its building in me, dying to escape every time I open my mouth. I wish I could shove the tears that sneak out of my eyes back down my throat and keep them there. I wish I was as strong as everyone thinks I am.
One thing I am very capable of processing is how amazing Garrett is. I say it again...I wish everyone could see the leaps of progress he makes on a daily basis. There is at least one person that tells him a day that he is progressing faster than anyone they have ever seen. I know everyone thinks the person they married is more special than anyone else...but in my case he really is more special and amazing than anyone else. ;) He is walking and its only been two and half months since he lost his legs. Two and a half months. He has come back from something that should have killed him, and basically gave it the finger on his way to the top. Take that Taliban.
We leave for our three week Hawaiian vacation next Wednesday. Garrett's unit is supposed to be home in a few weeks and we are going out to see them land and spend some time with our friends. Seven months ago I started counting down until homecoming. I remember from Garrett's first deployment how exciting and overwhelming and emotional it was to see him step of that plane and into that hanger. Wrapping my arms around him for the first time in seven months is still a memory that gives me butterflies and makes me weak in the knees. This homecoming will be quite different from our first one, but just as emotional. The bond between a Marine and his brothers is something I would never be able to explain or put into words, and to be able to witness him walking up to them on his new legs and welcoming them home is going to be a site I will never forget.
Don't worry, there will be pictures!
**One of the many lessons God is teaching me through this is how to hold my tongue, and keep my temper at bay. People like to stare at things they do not understand. Some people are really good about it and will come up and talk to him or thank him, but some people just keep staring even after we have made eye contact with them. So keep in mind next time you come in contact with someone that has a special feature, they notice the stares and they can ear the whispers.
